When I get really bored at my SEO hack writing gig I slip in sentences like this, my flickering bid at greatness:
"Mr. X maintained close client communication as purchased structured settlement processing procedures progressed."
Naturally, there is an 99% chance my client's good editors will catch this and change it to something less alliterative. But I have not totally given up the dream of transcendence, even in my SEO terrarium of churned and regurgitated verbiage.
Interestingly (and on the recent MOH-induced Nirvana revisited kick) one of my all time favorite Kurt Cobain songs, heard acoustically, reveals itself as being about a turtle named Sappy. Instead of "you're in love now," as I heard it on my feedback-drenched, seventh-generation bootleg tape purchased on a bridge in Prague in 1992, our late grunge poet laureate is singing "you're in the laundry room." There is no escape from the hand that feeds you, it doth become a God. And you shall worship it with the appearance of equanimity.
Here is the lyrical gist:
And if you save yourself,
You will make him happy!
He'll keep you in a jar,
And you'll think you're happy...
He'll give you breathing holes,
And you'll think you're happy...
He'll cover you with grass,
And you'll think you're happy... now!
You're in a laundry room,
You're in a laundry room.
Interesting, the song seems to be part of a coordinated suite, as evidenced by Something in the Way*:
Underneath the bridge
The tarp has sprung a leak
And the animals I've trapped
Have all become my pets
And I'm living off of grass
And the drippings from the ceiling
It's okay neat fish
'Cause they don't have any feelings.
The hidden life of the artist, who saw himself as a turtle. Okay, time to roll up in my shell and SEO out of here.
* As revealed in Montage of Heck, this song has a really interesting demo provenance as part of a coordinated suite that I find revealing, but detractors have summed up as being obviously "Pixies" or obviously "Guns N' Roses." It has got to be one or the other, it cannot be an imitation of both (I personally think it combines some Pixies/Butthole Surfers with a Faith No More refrain, really just captures the 1989 zeitgeist)––at which point I split the difference and call it original. Reminds me of all the editor comments my agent forwarded to me about Arisugawa Park. Wildly divergent reasons for rejection, no one said it was not original.
SEO alert - Damon Shulenberger aka Endurance Writer in the half-shell.
"Mr. X maintained close client communication as purchased structured settlement processing procedures progressed."
Naturally, there is an 99% chance my client's good editors will catch this and change it to something less alliterative. But I have not totally given up the dream of transcendence, even in my SEO terrarium of churned and regurgitated verbiage.
Interestingly (and on the recent MOH-induced Nirvana revisited kick) one of my all time favorite Kurt Cobain songs, heard acoustically, reveals itself as being about a turtle named Sappy. Instead of "you're in love now," as I heard it on my feedback-drenched, seventh-generation bootleg tape purchased on a bridge in Prague in 1992, our late grunge poet laureate is singing "you're in the laundry room." There is no escape from the hand that feeds you, it doth become a God. And you shall worship it with the appearance of equanimity.
Here is the lyrical gist:
And if you save yourself,
You will make him happy!
He'll keep you in a jar,
And you'll think you're happy...
He'll give you breathing holes,
And you'll think you're happy...
He'll cover you with grass,
And you'll think you're happy... now!
You're in a laundry room,
You're in a laundry room.
Interesting, the song seems to be part of a coordinated suite, as evidenced by Something in the Way*:
Underneath the bridge
The tarp has sprung a leak
And the animals I've trapped
Have all become my pets
And I'm living off of grass
And the drippings from the ceiling
It's okay neat fish
'Cause they don't have any feelings.
The hidden life of the artist, who saw himself as a turtle. Okay, time to roll up in my shell and SEO out of here.
* As revealed in Montage of Heck, this song has a really interesting demo provenance as part of a coordinated suite that I find revealing, but detractors have summed up as being obviously "Pixies" or obviously "Guns N' Roses." It has got to be one or the other, it cannot be an imitation of both (I personally think it combines some Pixies/Butthole Surfers with a Faith No More refrain, really just captures the 1989 zeitgeist)––at which point I split the difference and call it original. Reminds me of all the editor comments my agent forwarded to me about Arisugawa Park. Wildly divergent reasons for rejection, no one said it was not original.
SEO alert - Damon Shulenberger aka Endurance Writer in the half-shell.
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